Is Your Neighbor a Cowboy?

My next door neighbor is a cowboy. A genuine cowboy. Sure, he has worked in real jobs most of his life, but such is the fate of most cowboys these days. It’s hard to make ends meet on a cowboy’s wage in the modern world.

You might think it’s rather difficult to find a real cowboy, and if you do you are right. But in case you ever need one (and I have found them very useful to have around at times), I’m going to tell you the secret to determine if a person is a 100% bona fide cowboy. Here is the process:

First, find a person who looks and acts like a cowboy. Odds are that will disqualify him immediately. But don’t give up quite yet. If he meets this criterion, move to the next step.

Second, he must have cows, a good horse, and a saddle. See if he has cows. If he doesn’t have cows, he must have a good horse. If he doesn’t have a good horse, he must at least have good saddle. Check to see if his saddle is well-used and well-taken-care-of. If it is, go to the next step.

Third, ask him if he has ever turned a bull calf into a steer. If the answer is “Yes”, go to the final step.

Fourth, ask him if he is a cowboy. If he says anything other than “Yes”, you have found the genuine article. Examples of acceptable answers are “No.” “Well . . .” and “Pardon?” If he says “Yes”, he is not a cowboy. Find a new candidate and return to the first step.

Note: In the fourth step, the only case in which “Yes” is an acceptable answer is if your candidate follows it immediately with a gruff “What are you?”